I’m just trying to think if there has ever been a time when I haven’t known what is happening next?..you know..in life? We are children and follow the pattern of school terms. We count them..how many weeks until the next holiday, have the holiday, go back to school, have a holiday and on and on until you go to work….

When you go to work you don’t have as much holiday but you count the weeks until you have some days off to just have off or go on holiday…When you leave work and retire you plan holidays or seeing family and plan for Christmas and organising get togethers to see everyone and then you kick the bucket! It’s all pretty well planned and you sort of know what is going to happen next although sometimes dying can sort of creep up on you a bit quicker than you might have thought….

But now…we don’t know what is going to happen next…we read things in the paper like all the rubbish that was in the papers last week about the schools opening on May 11th…my phone was full of messages from people sending me cuttings from newspapers about going back…I think we would know now if we were going back on May 11th… so we stay in and we wait..it is the most bizarre feeling. Some have holidays booked and don’t know if it will happen or not, some people have weddings booked and don’t know if it will happen or not…There is so much talk about schools going back in June but anything could happen between now and then just look how quickly it all came upon us!….and we are locked down…It is almost becoming normalish…and the longer it goes on I think I will feel a bit scared to go out….

If you are a planner, and I am a planner…I like to map everything out so that I know what I am doing….but you can’t at the moment…it is all unknown…I think quite a few people are struggling now entering into the 6th week and at a networking meeting today we talked about things to help if you were going into or were in a low point. Suggestions of sending cards to people to cheer them up…so often making someone else feel better makes you feel better. We all loved the thought of cosy socks from Nikki…she could have sold a few pairs! I am hanging on to the thought of being allowed to see family soon, of it being the first thing they let us do so that I can squeeze my beautiful granddaughter…but I have surprised myself with how patient I have become!…living with a vulnerable person helps as I wouldn’t put him in danger…and we wait….and wait….and don’t plan because there isn’t any point….maybe we should just embrace it….Life will be hectic enough when it all starts back up…..and wait….

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