I like to meet Gee on her break at the coffee shop if I can and was pleased that she said “I’ll get you a coffee ready” we had just been told that we were going o be inspected at school so my matron and I were full of how we were going to prepare etc… Gee works at coffee shop on Mondays and Tuesdays till 3 and then goes to her Beauty Spa, underneath a hotel in Cheltenham. Her own business that she started 6 months ago…

I said we need to go and she said I need to tell you something in an odd, cheeky way! I said you are not pregnant are you? And she said yes!!!! My immediate response was “I hope you are not going to keep it!”…My speedy thoughts were , she is 19 with her whole life ahead of her, a new business and how could she think she could balance it all at 19?!!.. “Yes I am Mum”…It wasn’t in her plan either but she had had a week to think it through and for her and Zac to make a decision…….all I could feel was shock, sadness, worry, disappointment, embarrassment….all these feelings came into my head…As is my way I said jokingly “I’m not going to be called Granny!!!” In the attempt at humour although I wasn’t feeling humorous at all!!! I had to leave and for a couple of days just tried to get her to change her mind about having it. It was such early days…but I know how determined she can be!…she was digging her heels in…after 2 or 3 days I was beginning to feel guilty about my response…what kind of unfeeling mother was I? Was I making her feel supported?…No… and possibly worrying her although that is always hard to see with Gee! she is stubborn….I pointed out that she would need to earn enough to pay the rent on a bigger house as they only had one bedroom, earn enough to pay the rent on the spa and pay for child care! But she said “people do do that Mum”

Am I in a snobby, what will people think bubble?…yes I am! Another early thought was…What would school think? What would the parents of the girls I care for think?…my 19 year old daughter is pregnant…so I tried to look at the positives…She was in a relationship and he was supporting her decision to have the baby. They both work hard and seem to be a team. Of course because I am 57 and she is 19 I think I know much more about love, relationships, life than she does but she only sees it from her own perspective…so we are coming from completely different angles!!…

I changed my tack…..we will work it all out I heard myself saying, I made jokes about being a granny!…I attended her first meeting with the midwife with her at her house and I am trying to think positively but want to hold on from telling people until  she is 12 weeks for obvious reasons and until she is 19 because I think it sounds better!!!…there I go again…worried about what people think….

Already, it has tested my parenting skills. I want to advise her on what I think is best from my angle and she is excited about having a baby with a man/boy that she is in love with and she wants to make her own little family…it definitely is not what you want for your teenage daughter but she needs support, love, help, advice and I am going to do the best I can for her…now I am filling up!!…and she is supposed to be the emotional one!!

I knew that telling my sisters would be a cliff hanger!!….But entertaining and I was going to wait until we were having dinner when we went away for Sarahs 50th to Vegas and LA but as soon as Sarah asked me how Gee was when we were still in London I couldn’t help telling her and then when Jo did the same in the taxi from the airport in LA I did the same!! Of course they find it amusing as the thought of being a granny is not anything I had thought I would be alive to see!!!! And being called granny makes me think of grey hair, being doddery and OLD!!!! Again…all about me!!! And this is about Gee and my grandchild!! I’m trying to say it more to get my head round it!!… It could be worse they said!! She could be taking heroin!.. at least she has been living with him for months and they are a couple…

She is going to need my support…she is excited, unknowing which is probably good and hasn’t really thought about the birth or how or where but that will be where I can help her after having 3!….so lots to talk about and help her with…so it a case of week 8…suck it up Granny and be the best Mum you can be because your only daughter and as I have said many times , very precious daughter is going to need you….(I think we need to think of a different name for granny!!!)

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